Feature Peer Edits

Peter Ingle's feature:
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
I think more details on how Travis endured and overcame his ordeal could add to the story, adding a personal touch instead of focusing so much on the medical aspect.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
More information from Travis himself, maybe his parents or his doctor as well.

3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
No - there's no specific scene described, it's all the general story. Maybe when Travis was diagnosed?

4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
Less of the medical aspects, more of Travis' personal experience ... a more human experience.

Siri Ware's feature:
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
Why kids are reading, overall patterns and preferences, to make it more relevant instead of just listing books.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
More high school kids ... all ages and interests.

3. Does the story contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
No - it's more of an overview. It might be cool to describe a scene from one of the books - i.e. "It was a hot, dusty afternoon in Afghanistan .. blahblahblahblahblah ... and junior Cory Patel was right in the middle of it all."

4. What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
More opinions, more in-depth writing instead of a general overview.